People say, if you feel that you are pathetic, then others would see you in this way as well. So, I always make myself in a happy mode, even when I need a shoulder. I used to feel very happy when my friends told me that I'm always feeling happy because I felt that, hmm, I'm such a good actress. I somehow used to pretend to be the person that I created few years ago. You wear the mask almost all the time, one day, when you leave it down, you realise that your true face is nothing different than the mask anymore. It might sounds silly but it's true.
I thought I'm independent, since my family made me to be one; I thought I'm strong, since my parents want me to be; I thought I'm cold-blooded enough, since my brothers trained me to be; I thought wasn't afraid of anything, since my friends are all the brave one. Finally, I realised, thinking is just a way to force myself. Force myself to be independent, force myself to be happy, to be strong, cold-blooded, brave and so on, so on.
I miss the time when my family protect me like a fragile baby, although they are a bit extreme ><, but I do miss that time. Actually, if I'm still studying in Penang now, they will still treat me like this, but I know it's time to let myself grow. It's time to learn to survive in this cruel society before I fall.
I'm very selfish. For me, nothing is important than family and my own future. I'm very stubborn as well, if I wish to get that thing, I will get it no matter how long it can takes. My life is very smooth compared to other members in my family. I always got what I wanted, even it's really expensive stuff. I miss the time my brothers used to say they hate me because my parents treated me like a princess and I treated them like a servant ^^. I know they love me more than everything, even they are not literally a good person.
I used to feel so stress when my dad told me I'm his only hope. Although I never really try hard on studies, I still feel stress when he told me that. Forgot since when, I already used to the stress and used to put the stress on my shoulders. I still won't study hard like those nerds, but I will put my aim above my level and achieve it in a last-minute way. It's pretty hurt when I wouldn't got it. But, I won't give up. I'm more stubborn than you know I am.
Ah! It's nice to crap when you are not really in mood and got nothing much to blog, or I shall say, lazy to blog. Friends here are different and I prefer the way I live in Penang. Everything seems so nice and innocent. I want a peaceful life and a lovely family as well as a bunch of wonderful friends that will accompany you gone crazy or have a wild night when you really need some surprise in your boring life. Of course, a lovely caring wonderful cute handsome best boyfriend ^^. Don't worry, I will not leave you behind, and actually, I have counted you as my family. You might not get to participate my past but I assure you that you are participating in all my future plan. I hope I got the same reward from you as well ><.
My conclusion is ... I am HOME SICK now
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