29.4.13

29.04.2013


Maybe all these time, what I wanted is a reason. A reason that able to convince me to let go and move on. Not a reason from him which I think all of those are bullshit. It's a reason from myself. I've been finding excuse to escape anything that could hurt me but I was forced to face it in the end. And it repeats every time in sudden.

Thank you for being bastard when I was wandering to hope for something.

Although I still couldn't give myself the best reason a.k.a excuse but I don't think I need it anymore.

^^ leave ... bye my smurf~

HOT guys are waiting for me <3 p="" saliva="">

21.4.13

21.04.2013

Too much ups and downs. My heart almost couldn't afford the surprises brought by the Greatness within a busy day. My studies make me busy enough to stop caring about a lot of things, but the Greatness always create more problems when I'm having enough problems!
I know, I really know that escape did not change anything. Stop reminding me, friends. It's not like I don't want to move on, I can't! I tried. I failed. So, why can't I just cover it with a thick blanket in my heart and don't touch on it? I don't think doing this on my own causing any problems to you. 

Everyone said to me, you must do this and that, you must stand up, go out, move on.. Telling me you all had experienced this before, it would works! It never work.. If you really experienced it, you would know no one can help unless and until I don't fucking care anymore and my heart stop pain by itself.

I'm very happy, at least I convinced myself that I'm happy everyday. Fake smile better than none as I said before. Pretend that I was blind for few months. Do anything I could to cover up those memories that might hurt me. 

These few months, my greatest enemy is my DREAM! But recently, I made myself tired until I can't dream; if  I am not tiring enough, I don't sleep. That cause me another problem, in the end, I got my long-time-no-see friend "INSOMNIA".

Promise myself I won't shed tears for him anymore, but I always couldn't control myself when memories hit. I'm facing everything alone. Independent? How I wish I don't have to learn it. Promise myself I will return myself tons of beautiful smiles. Happiness is not far away I know. I would like to see how far I can go under the tests given by the Greatness. Dad said "a problem is an opportunity". Yup, I know dad. 

Since he's all around my life, I will make myself disappear in the life that got him. I know one day I will walk with no regret. Be tough Ming! You know yourself better than anyone and your believe will be true someday. Everything will be fine in the end; if it isn't, that's not the end yet. Be proud to yourself and your beloved family.

15.4.13

15.04.2013

Hmm... Reality always doesn't look as beauty as you thought it is..

crush --> propose --> love --> in love --> happy --> sad --> cold war --> explode --> break up --> sad --> fall --> stand up --> alone --> afraid --> feel love --> ??

What a shitty routine!

Yes! There are a lot of sweet teenage couples out there. They are so lucky to have the "one true love" in such a young age. I'm jealous.. in a good way though.

Hmm, I think what I should do now is "try to feel love".. Too much defense to those new friends who try to make friend with me.. may be I need to open up my heart before I starting to feel the "love" feeling again..

No more pain for the past.. no more exciting for little things happen around.. Lost most of my emotions.

No pain no gain.. May be I need to be very very pain only I can gain the happiest thing in my life..

Wth.. the end

8.4.13

08.04.2013

Just finish watching few videos from Facebook that talk about DAP's history..

There are few videos about Lim Kit Siang, an old strong man in this nation, impressed me, the most.

Although everything showing in the videos are not something new to me as most of my friends talk about politics issues most of the time, I actually knew most of the incidents before I watched. But, after listening Him talking about his past and his family's feeling when he was in trouble, it is really touched.

He spent his whole life BELIEVING "nothing stays forever" & "It can be changed if we try to"! And, he spent his whole life to prove what he believes it's possible.. He had been through a lots of incidents which may strike out his confident, but, he stands still! Until this moment! He believes everything is possible when you start to try!

I personally salute his wife. A simple woman who only desire is to become a normal housewife when she married to Lim Kit Siang. However, when her husband told her he wanted to become a politician, she supports him silently. She kept her house clean and peace, taught their children properly and undertake all the rumours out there that might break down their family.

Even when Lim Kit Siang was in prison, she was very sad, but she still stood up to be a role model, led their kids to the right pathway.

When Lim Guan Eng decided to follow his father's footstep, she was very worry but nevertheless she supports her son and be proud of him. When both the father and son were in prison, I believe it must be the hardest time for her being as a wife and a mother in her life. She kept her worries and cheered her family, and been through the hard time without complaining. A strong woman like this! I worship.

Okay! I admitted that I was so lost that I don't fucking care about how the nation going to be! Too much disappointment and starting to lose confident for the changes.. Honestly, it's been 50 years plus and Malaysia is getting worst, and there are people out there fighting more than 50 years! I once thought the corruption is indefeatable! So, I never register as a voter (I registered once then it's not in the record). Fed up with everyone who asks me which to vote.. Idiot! I'm from Penang! If only I'm retarded then I might choose that Bastard National to be my government!

These few days, I have been watching and reading everything about our history (if I did it earlier, my Sejarah would get a credit instead of pass) and what leads our nation walk towards this shit! Malaysia is actually a very potential country. Actually, if there's LESS corruption (cannot be no la) when the Horse was still a Prime Minister, I believe we are same standard as Singapore now and not a second-class nation. And, if that Chicken never humiliating our country by presenting himself to others, our country's level might be higher. Our country may developed better than Singapore as we do have a lot of genius who now already migrated to wherever they like.

I love Malaysia. I love Penang. I never deny or hide my identity before even when I was in UK. I feel Proud to be a Penang Lang (a little too proud sometime).

Last but not least, my main point is I REGRET! I would've registered as a voter, 1 vote do help! I don't have enough time to register, so I'm praying this little-ant-vote doesn't affect! I swear the next election, I'm IN!

I believe this coming election will be a historic election which brings us the Malaysian's Malaysia. A brand new start with clean hands!

3.4.13

03.04.2013

I desperately WANT TO KNOW H-I-M!!!

Be my friend wey, don't be shy, I don't eat don't worry.. I bite..

Okay, You're cute, handsome, confident and have that BLEEDING HOT body that ME likey likey.. LOL

Anyway, just to say! U're so damn hot! that I can't wait to be with you, errrr, only if, err, u know, only if u know who the hell am I LOL n only if there's a chance... although I know I don't stand a chance HAHAHA


Didn't blog for sometime and my English become... like this LOL seriously have to improve my poor English already. Especially my crazy exam is coming soon, like SO SOON!! Should really work hard, focus and throw away those shitty mindset! Gambateh!

n ... STOP DRAMA-ing!!!!!