I know, I really know that escape did not change anything. Stop reminding me, friends. It's not like I don't want to move on, I can't! I tried. I failed. So, why can't I just cover it with a thick blanket in my heart and don't touch on it? I don't think doing this on my own causing any problems to you.
Everyone said to me, you must do this and that, you must stand up, go out, move on.. Telling me you all had experienced this before, it would works! It never work.. If you really experienced it, you would know no one can help unless and until I don't fucking care anymore and my heart stop pain by itself.
I'm very happy, at least I convinced myself that I'm happy everyday. Fake smile better than none as I said before. Pretend that I was blind for few months. Do anything I could to cover up those memories that might hurt me.
These few months, my greatest enemy is my DREAM! But recently, I made myself tired until I can't dream; if I am not tiring enough, I don't sleep. That cause me another problem, in the end, I got my long-time-no-see friend "INSOMNIA".
Promise myself I won't shed tears for him anymore, but I always couldn't control myself when memories hit. I'm facing everything alone. Independent? How I wish I don't have to learn it. Promise myself I will return myself tons of beautiful smiles. Happiness is not far away I know. I would like to see how far I can go under the tests given by the Greatness. Dad said "a problem is an opportunity". Yup, I know dad.
Since he's all around my life, I will make myself disappear in the life that got him. I know one day I will walk with no regret. Be tough Ming! You know yourself better than anyone and your believe will be true someday. Everything will be fine in the end; if it isn't, that's not the end yet. Be proud to yourself and your beloved family.
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