I used to be"not greedy" haha
viewing the posts year ago, I still can feel the happy, nervous, struggling, shy etc feeling towards u.
It was a great memory ^^
Since I started this relationship with thank you
I am going to end it with more thank you ^^
thank you
it was so great
thank you
25.10.12
25.10.2012
当所有事情都不如意时，就没有所谓的不如意了，不是吗？
好累哦，好累好累。别在考验我了老天，我累了，别再打击我的信心和毅力了。
如果你要我放弃，我放弃了，至少开始了放弃，别再加重了，我好累。我逼着自己成长，逼着自己赶快忘了放了，因为讨厌痛的感觉。朋友说顺其自然，但那只会让我顺其自然的继续爱你，想你。我得逼自己，对自己残忍。所以老天，别再考验了，你的难题让我好累好累，每天都在接受你的难题。工作的，咬牙就过了，但，感情的，我真的很累了，我连想的力量都没了，我不要了
希望每天跟你过的招都是工作的，帮帮我啦，我不想一心二用，如果是功课那不用紧 =)
我好累哦，好想就简简单单，平平凡凡，懒懒散散就好。好累
好累哦，好累好累。别在考验我了老天，我累了，别再打击我的信心和毅力了。
如果你要我放弃，我放弃了，至少开始了放弃，别再加重了，我好累。我逼着自己成长，逼着自己赶快忘了放了，因为讨厌痛的感觉。朋友说顺其自然，但那只会让我顺其自然的继续爱你，想你。我得逼自己，对自己残忍。所以老天，别再考验了，你的难题让我好累好累，每天都在接受你的难题。工作的，咬牙就过了，但，感情的，我真的很累了，我连想的力量都没了，我不要了
希望每天跟你过的招都是工作的，帮帮我啦，我不想一心二用，如果是功课那不用紧 =)
我好累哦，好想就简简单单，平平凡凡，懒懒散散就好。好累
24.10.12
at some point,
we will have to say goodbye to each other
we will have to stop caring about each other
we will have to lost contact with each other
and few years later,
we shall walk pass each other on the street
like total strangers.
saw this in one of the post, a post appeared before I met you. It's for another "her" I guess. It suits me now actually, Thank you. although you won't see it ^^
we will have to say goodbye to each other
we will have to stop caring about each other
we will have to lost contact with each other
and few years later,
we shall walk pass each other on the street
like total strangers.
saw this in one of the post, a post appeared before I met you. It's for another "her" I guess. It suits me now actually, Thank you. although you won't see it ^^
24.10.2012
Hi~ here again. Life is too bored to just blogging about mood.
Ah ha! Saw my UK friend appear on Penang Beach Street while I was driving to office, WHAT A BIG SURPRISE! My god! Couldn't stop but fb her as soon as I reached office. U couldn't believe how excited I am to see her in Penang! Her hometown ain't here! How lucky I am! This is faith! Know each other in UK but again bumped into each other in a State that she hardly appear!
Hmm, got bad news ytd, not the news that he couldn't show up, and of course I will never blame on him. It's just my imagination. I told myself, this weekend will be the last time I meet him and text him. I gave myself a deadline before I being cruel to myself. Hmm, seems like god wants me to start it early by stop those hopes immediately! okay~ not meeting him already, maybe for the next few years or whatever, it's time to be cruel to myself and face the sadness, bear the pain that will come continuously until I used to it.
Still, I miss him, his warm arm and everything. text. He always brings me security. Even on the most painful day, I felt so calm and secure after he said that sentence. I even thought I have given up at that moment because I wasn't that pain. But, after he sent me to my car and turned, I heard my heart splitting, my body cracking, I cried, I felt that pain, I thought I am dying for a second, I thought it was just a dream like I used to have and when I woke up everything is still that wonderful. How powerful can a man be, to make me trust him like I never do. How strong is it, my love. He just doesn't know how pain would it be if I lost him. Its okay, maybe it's a good thing. He won't feel sorry at least, I am not pity in his eyes at least. I do miss the security he gave me. I do miss the me in front of him. I do miss the smile I always put on when I am with him, even just texting. I do miss the comfort even we were just laying and doing nothing. I do miss the me, the real me perhaps.
Can I know when was it, my last real smile? In Bali? The day before I left to UK after a month break? Or the moment when we hugging each other after a tiring cycling? Maybe, it's when we holding hands and wandering along Strait Quay. How long already, I stop going there for a walk, that was our favourite place after a day. I scare I will cry, I scare I will remember every details, I scare I will be seeing you by my side when I am walking along. As you know, my imagination s good enough to have illusion.
Kit Kit, I miss you =)
HAHA, I know you won't read this! hehe So good to have an 'x' that will not be looking at his 'x''s blog!
The cross is just too pain to be written down.
Ah ha! Saw my UK friend appear on Penang Beach Street while I was driving to office, WHAT A BIG SURPRISE! My god! Couldn't stop but fb her as soon as I reached office. U couldn't believe how excited I am to see her in Penang! Her hometown ain't here! How lucky I am! This is faith! Know each other in UK but again bumped into each other in a State that she hardly appear!
Hmm, got bad news ytd, not the news that he couldn't show up, and of course I will never blame on him. It's just my imagination. I told myself, this weekend will be the last time I meet him and text him. I gave myself a deadline before I being cruel to myself. Hmm, seems like god wants me to start it early by stop those hopes immediately! okay~ not meeting him already, maybe for the next few years or whatever, it's time to be cruel to myself and face the sadness, bear the pain that will come continuously until I used to it.
Still, I miss him, his warm arm and everything. text. He always brings me security. Even on the most painful day, I felt so calm and secure after he said that sentence. I even thought I have given up at that moment because I wasn't that pain. But, after he sent me to my car and turned, I heard my heart splitting, my body cracking, I cried, I felt that pain, I thought I am dying for a second, I thought it was just a dream like I used to have and when I woke up everything is still that wonderful. How powerful can a man be, to make me trust him like I never do. How strong is it, my love. He just doesn't know how pain would it be if I lost him. Its okay, maybe it's a good thing. He won't feel sorry at least, I am not pity in his eyes at least. I do miss the security he gave me. I do miss the me in front of him. I do miss the smile I always put on when I am with him, even just texting. I do miss the comfort even we were just laying and doing nothing. I do miss the me, the real me perhaps.
Can I know when was it, my last real smile? In Bali? The day before I left to UK after a month break? Or the moment when we hugging each other after a tiring cycling? Maybe, it's when we holding hands and wandering along Strait Quay. How long already, I stop going there for a walk, that was our favourite place after a day. I scare I will cry, I scare I will remember every details, I scare I will be seeing you by my side when I am walking along. As you know, my imagination s good enough to have illusion.
Kit Kit, I miss you =)
HAHA, I know you won't read this! hehe So good to have an 'x' that will not be looking at his 'x''s blog!
The cross is just too pain to be written down.
21.10.12
21.10.2012
dreamt about us last night again. I've told myself to forget you and focus on my boring messed up life. But, memories ain't under my control.
Saw ur insta, a place we went there with a bunch of friends, it was really a happy day. Read again the birthday little card u sent me last year. Just realised, ur "forever" is only a year.
I am lost, in this world, in my life and in those memories that have u. I blamed myself. Why I am so weak, again and again. I never got an answer from myself. Those memories is still my precious gift but he might already forget most of the them. I think the symbol in his hp is no longer there. as well as the cover photo of his apps. Whatever, none of ur business anymore. Even my life get better or worse, is no longer ur concern.
I really "smurf" u, cupcake smurf. I really do. And I don't think I will ever stop smurfing u. You are the smurf-est to me, in my heart. Do live smurfly. But, don't too smurf without me, smurf me sometime when you are really smurf. At the moment, maybe I am smurfing you as well.
Saw ur insta, a place we went there with a bunch of friends, it was really a happy day. Read again the birthday little card u sent me last year. Just realised, ur "forever" is only a year.
I am lost, in this world, in my life and in those memories that have u. I blamed myself. Why I am so weak, again and again. I never got an answer from myself. Those memories is still my precious gift but he might already forget most of the them. I think the symbol in his hp is no longer there. as well as the cover photo of his apps. Whatever, none of ur business anymore. Even my life get better or worse, is no longer ur concern.
I really "smurf" u, cupcake smurf. I really do. And I don't think I will ever stop smurfing u. You are the smurf-est to me, in my heart. Do live smurfly. But, don't too smurf without me, smurf me sometime when you are really smurf. At the moment, maybe I am smurfing you as well.
17.10.12
17.10.2012
落头发，爆暗疮，噩梦连连，裙子越来越松，还有什么？还要增加吗？
今天情绪又失控了，不同的是，在工作的时候。电台怎么都放他喜欢或我们一起听的歌啊？ 自己默默地走进资料室，无声的狂哭了5分钟。才发现喊不出来的痛最痛。出来时遇到老板，还好没被发现。我以为想通了，坚强了，但怎么总会在我毫无预备时就袭来了。我来不及避，来不及闪躲，就碰上了，就痛了。
我跟我的心说，我。。。允许你不跳了。我真的真的不想痛了。
爬山往回走时，我在想，时间能倒退走，也不错啊，我能吗？
有时会想，黄慧敏，你对得起自己吗？用着怀念的方式疗伤，更痛吧。。却没想过要换个方式，还是这样最好吧。痛久了，就麻了，不怕的。
今天情绪又失控了，不同的是，在工作的时候。电台怎么都放他喜欢或我们一起听的歌啊？ 自己默默地走进资料室，无声的狂哭了5分钟。才发现喊不出来的痛最痛。出来时遇到老板，还好没被发现。我以为想通了，坚强了，但怎么总会在我毫无预备时就袭来了。我来不及避，来不及闪躲，就碰上了，就痛了。
我跟我的心说，我。。。允许你不跳了。我真的真的不想痛了。
爬山往回走时，我在想，时间能倒退走，也不错啊，我能吗？
有时会想，黄慧敏，你对得起自己吗？用着怀念的方式疗伤，更痛吧。。却没想过要换个方式，还是这样最好吧。痛久了，就麻了，不怕的。
15.10.12
15.10.2012
Worst day? Nah.. normal near negative only. Except I got threatened by a stranger asking for money, everything seems fine... okay, below fine but above worst.
I thought I am fine, when I don't think about it, when I keep it nicely in the bottom of my heart. But after chatting with my friend, he suggested me to face it and get through it. I was wondering am I able to be that brave? Should I try?
I just simply dig it out from my heart again within one day, and cry over and over again. Okay, admit that I am not that brave. Shouldn't have tried it. Keep it back again, nice and sincere. It's my precious, at least now it is.
Monday, I don't know it's because of Monday blue or ... my mood, can't do well, everything just messed up, get scolded again, like 99 type then continue did wrong. I don't feel like eating at noon, but dad was watching, okay, I finish the plate, big plate, then feeling sick. Luckily I controlled my throat, haha, didn't come out from my mouth, claps!
OT OT. haiz, driving jam, whatever! Passed through China house, brain stops. Laugh at myself, Who will remember this? We get lost when we first trial to China house, then I just simply point to a street, haha, it was there! and stupid things that we have done before we get to eat the delicious tiramisu and his weird snack plate. I wish I can't recall it as detail as I am doing now.
Friend said, the hardest thing to do is smile when you're sad. I used to do that. But, can't anymore.
Too much memories, too precious, too good. When I jogged, a lot of things stop by and said hi. But, I know, they will leave me soon, at that time, suddenly, I am really happy I can remember every details, I wish I will not forget it, because even him won't remember these. The images and everything, it's like my personal collections. I love him. But, I need to let go. I know, I really know, I just need time.
I was very lucky to meet him, to be loved. Just not that lucky for the life journey. It's ok, we learn and grow. So, now my love test... FAILED! Nvm, pray harder for my studies and career! I can't afford to lose again... FIGHT! to get a better life
Speaking nonsense to future me, Ming, you should read back and recall those memories in future ^^ It will be beautiful. Please success before you reach 30! You don't have a shoulder to rely on, so u must be tough and hardworking, nothing is impossible. You know best.
I thought I am fine, when I don't think about it, when I keep it nicely in the bottom of my heart. But after chatting with my friend, he suggested me to face it and get through it. I was wondering am I able to be that brave? Should I try?
I just simply dig it out from my heart again within one day, and cry over and over again. Okay, admit that I am not that brave. Shouldn't have tried it. Keep it back again, nice and sincere. It's my precious, at least now it is.
Monday, I don't know it's because of Monday blue or ... my mood, can't do well, everything just messed up, get scolded again, like 99 type then continue did wrong. I don't feel like eating at noon, but dad was watching, okay, I finish the plate, big plate, then feeling sick. Luckily I controlled my throat, haha, didn't come out from my mouth, claps!
OT OT. haiz, driving jam, whatever! Passed through China house, brain stops. Laugh at myself, Who will remember this? We get lost when we first trial to China house, then I just simply point to a street, haha, it was there! and stupid things that we have done before we get to eat the delicious tiramisu and his weird snack plate. I wish I can't recall it as detail as I am doing now.
Friend said, the hardest thing to do is smile when you're sad. I used to do that. But, can't anymore.
Too much memories, too precious, too good. When I jogged, a lot of things stop by and said hi. But, I know, they will leave me soon, at that time, suddenly, I am really happy I can remember every details, I wish I will not forget it, because even him won't remember these. The images and everything, it's like my personal collections. I love him. But, I need to let go. I know, I really know, I just need time.
I was very lucky to meet him, to be loved. Just not that lucky for the life journey. It's ok, we learn and grow. So, now my love test... FAILED! Nvm, pray harder for my studies and career! I can't afford to lose again... FIGHT! to get a better life
Speaking nonsense to future me, Ming, you should read back and recall those memories in future ^^ It will be beautiful. Please success before you reach 30! You don't have a shoulder to rely on, so u must be tough and hardworking, nothing is impossible. You know best.
13.10.12
13.10.2012
乐极生悲？真是体验了。
我们的爱情，终于还是被放上了句号。一个好不容易熬过来的爱情，还是有人先举白旗了。我不怪你，不是我们的问题，是环境，是成长，是社会。谢谢你，我很高兴我爱上的是你，快乐的回忆，你开心的脸庞，自私的我，私藏了，在心里，不还了。对不起，分手前还对你提出无理的要求。谢谢你，我的21岁，有你我很快乐。
我撒谎了，如果能重来，我还是希望一年前，你是爱我的。即使我那时知道今天会这样，我还是会义无反顾地成为你的女朋友。你给的回忆，都很美好，别担心，我想起时是笑的。
我的22岁快到了。是时候迈开成长的脚步了，我很高兴我们还是好朋友，永远都是。
我说的那番话，要记得哦，相信自己吧，不要在意别人怎么看你，努力做一个对得起自己的人，就好了。你没欠任何人，不需要愧欠，也不需要刻意讨好，如果是你的朋友，会懂你的。加油吧 ^^
nihenhao, dannichonglaijiubuzhidao. 我很自私，我希望，没有女生，发现你的好。这样我才可以永远的收着你的好 ^^
我们的爱情，终于还是被放上了句号。一个好不容易熬过来的爱情，还是有人先举白旗了。我不怪你，不是我们的问题，是环境，是成长，是社会。谢谢你，我很高兴我爱上的是你，快乐的回忆，你开心的脸庞，自私的我，私藏了，在心里，不还了。对不起，分手前还对你提出无理的要求。谢谢你，我的21岁，有你我很快乐。
我撒谎了，如果能重来，我还是希望一年前，你是爱我的。即使我那时知道今天会这样，我还是会义无反顾地成为你的女朋友。你给的回忆，都很美好，别担心，我想起时是笑的。
我的22岁快到了。是时候迈开成长的脚步了，我很高兴我们还是好朋友，永远都是。
我说的那番话，要记得哦，相信自己吧，不要在意别人怎么看你，努力做一个对得起自己的人，就好了。你没欠任何人，不需要愧欠，也不需要刻意讨好，如果是你的朋友，会懂你的。加油吧 ^^
nihenhao, dannichonglaijiubuzhidao. 我很自私，我希望，没有女生，发现你的好。这样我才可以永远的收着你的好 ^^
12.10.12
12.10.2012
Today, can be consider as a happy day *hurray*
Except the body review which I waited for more than 2 hours, everything is just fine ^^ a good way to welcome my sweet hardworking weekend.
I am a person that don't know how to express things well. This makes me lost a few friends. But, today I am very very brave! haha I spoke to someone that I wanted to be her friend since I first met her! She is always my friend, but not very close, but she is that kind of girl that I wanted to be a close friend with her and share my daily story with her. Due to some matter, I always don't dare to move a step forward. Today, I am very happy! Because I started to chat with her like a friend, like MY friend ^^ and she still as nice as I knew ^^ We have a long chat and hmm~ just so nice that I couldn't describe.
And I think since I was very brave, God gave me a compliment by telling another boy friend that I liked to chat with start a conversation with me! He is a happy and cute guy who have a very good personality. Even he has been through some hard time last month but he still move on as usual. I really respect his spirit. Have a nice talk with him. hehe. He told me that he changed his job and gonna start a new working environment, wish me best of luck! and the most important thing is! He and his gf are getting nearer to each other, I am so happy for them! hehe
I am very happy ^^ I am very lucky today! No, I always been lucky! I have best parents! Best friends! and Best bf in the world!
I am just being HYPER now! but I really feel thousand times happier than past few weeks! Tomorrow will be better I KNOW IT ^^
the photo is the room that I had so much memory ^^
10.10.12
10.10.2012
今天，我可爱的老板和公司里那架温柔的电脑快把我给逼疯了。如山的文件已经将我淹没，他还拼了命的给我往上叠。我不是一个只做容易工的职员，相反地，我有点工作狂的倾向，我喜欢把工作以最快的速度做完，尽量不把它留到明天。这导致我永远有做不完的工，才第二个星期，我可爱的老板就将所有"urgent"的文件往我这里搁。我还是学徒啊，还是一个你underpaid的学徒。好多不会做的都硬着头皮做。
所里的每个人都有资格叫我帮他们，老板也说了，叫我能帮就帮，加上我那不会拒绝人的性格，彻彻底底把我逼得快崩溃了。老板一边喊着"faster faster, this is very very urgent",我那温柔的电脑却慢条斯理的漫步着。我也很urgent啊! 我电脑不urgent我能怎么办？我都替它的性命紧张了，深怕老板一个不如意就把它给砸了。况且，那个urgent的又不是我的文件，欲哭无泪啊!
搞到最后自己的反而只做了一半，大家都快快乐乐回家了，我还在努力。老板倒好，连管家的工也归我了，叫我帮他安排他家的琐事，我自己的私事都一个头两个大了，你放过我吧，我可爱的老板。
一直以为办公室的人都很融洽，但今天却听到了坏话，我一直都不会管理我的social life，所以就一笑置之，不要扯到我就好了。
回到家，看着我的课本，决定了，带我可怜的狗去晃晃，放它回来后，压力还在，我卯起来，在爸妈的错愕下，在我家地区狂跑了两圈，压力没了，但因为两个月没跑了，所以腿好像也报销了。但至少开心了，又可以开始拼命，开始温书了。加油啊!
9.10.12
话
今天放工回家驾着车时，听着MyFM 四通八达。今天的来宾是一个我不知道长相的女歌手，叫Gem邓紫棋。她说了一番话，我大概忘了一半吧，但我知道她说的经历和她学会的东西，很让我佩服。
我想记下来所以就写部落格了。她说:" 难过，痛苦，不开心，就像我们的伤口一样，你以为贴了一块胶布就没事了，但有一天你打开时，却发现它腐烂了，严重了。我们一味的逃避，解决不了问题，我们只是对它视而不见，但有一天我们被逼得直视它时，它可能已经比原先的还要严重了。只有面对问题，努力解决，才是对自己最好的方法。当你度过了，回头时，会发现，都过去了，不会世界末日了。将来的问题也会努力勇敢的解决。"
很喜欢她说的比喻，才去看了她的长相 >< 我很坏! lol
我想记下来所以就写部落格了。她说:" 难过，痛苦，不开心，就像我们的伤口一样，你以为贴了一块胶布就没事了，但有一天你打开时，却发现它腐烂了，严重了。我们一味的逃避，解决不了问题，我们只是对它视而不见，但有一天我们被逼得直视它时，它可能已经比原先的还要严重了。只有面对问题，努力解决，才是对自己最好的方法。当你度过了，回头时，会发现，都过去了，不会世界末日了。将来的问题也会努力勇敢的解决。"
很喜欢她说的比喻，才去看了她的长相 >< 我很坏! lol
8.10.12
Look what I have done for my life... I'm in a mess. My life is in a mess...
I once thought I am brave, I once thought I can handle everything, I once thought I am the "me" that I wanted to be. This month... everything just screwed up. I never thought everything will just leave so easily. It's like never even happen... everything was just my imagination? I put myself in a lose-lose situation. I don't know what I am doing is right or wrong. Seems like I purposely force myself to a corner, a corner that I can't breathe like I used to be. Everyday I am trying to tell myself it will be a better day, a happy day. Every nights before I sleep, I tell myself it will be fine tomorrow... But, I am not, I am pretending, I hate the mask on my face but I dare not pull it down.
He completed me. I am not brave without him. I've already used to the time when I knew he will always be with me, love me like no one did. I know he's having a hard time. I know what I can do is accompany him silently, without giving any trouble.
I just wish everything will be fine.. Blog is always my best friend to share ^^
I once thought I am brave, I once thought I can handle everything, I once thought I am the "me" that I wanted to be. This month... everything just screwed up. I never thought everything will just leave so easily. It's like never even happen... everything was just my imagination? I put myself in a lose-lose situation. I don't know what I am doing is right or wrong. Seems like I purposely force myself to a corner, a corner that I can't breathe like I used to be. Everyday I am trying to tell myself it will be a better day, a happy day. Every nights before I sleep, I tell myself it will be fine tomorrow... But, I am not, I am pretending, I hate the mask on my face but I dare not pull it down.
He completed me. I am not brave without him. I've already used to the time when I knew he will always be with me, love me like no one did. I know he's having a hard time. I know what I can do is accompany him silently, without giving any trouble.
I just wish everything will be fine.. Blog is always my best friend to share ^^
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